All I Want is the Truth!

Roger Glasgow Testimony

My name is Roger,  I would like to share my life's story with you. I was raised in a home that did believe in God and Christ, but never was a church going household. I am 58 years old, raised in San Bernardino, California, later we moved to Houston, TX. I had a step-father and sister, my mother’s family, except grandmother, dabbled in the United Pentecostal religion. I had on several occasions in my life felt a drawing to God, but based on what I had over heard from the Pentecostals, it all seemed so hopeless.

My step-father passed away in the early 80's and some of my mother’s sisters came to Texas to attend.  One in particular was a new convert and was very Pharisaic. After the burial, Mom and me were very distraught. This new convert was going on about abortion and different things, like only those who have spoken in an unknown tongue had the Holy Spirit, all others were damned to hell. My Father had just been placed in the ground and I came unglued. I said well if you’re the type of people who will be in heaven I think I would like the company in hell better!

I was black listed by them from that day on, but this started a major journey. I went to many different churches Baptist, Lutheran, non-denomination, and read the Bible in all my free time. It was though I was obsessed even to the point I would get sores in my groin, and the closer I seemed to get to God the worse I looked in my mind’s eye. Married, I would go to the store and try not to notice a pretty woman because to me even to look upon a lady in a short dress made me feel I was lusting. And then felt I am not worthy of God. I also felt as though I carried the weight of the entire world world on my shoulders. I could not look at people without a great sadness. All these people are damned? Going from one church to another it seemed each church’s doctrines seemed to contradict one another. This brought great distress to me. I was concerned for my salvation and all those around me.

I would go to one church and the pastor said one thing. I go to another church and the Pastor said something else! One says the sinner’s prayer is enough. Another says it’s grace plus works proving you have grace. Another says no one can chose to be born again; it’s the sovereign will of God Who decides who goes to heaven and who will be damned to hell. Another said we are damned again every time we sin (United Pentecostal).  Is there no hope?! I can not be perfect, I am a sinner. I try with all that is in me, if I work then what is grace!? If by grace you are saved, then what is work!!!!!!!!? All I know to do is pray everyday as though my life depends on it, and still don’t know if it is enough!  There was not very much love in these churches, but a lot of emphasis on fear.

I was running a numerical controlled lathe one day. During my time of struggling to understand God’s word, I was very exhausted mentally and emotionally, to a point of great anxiety. Watching TV during a break at work, I looked at my co-workers imagining them and myself being burned alive forever. But if that was the truth, then that was the truth. I wanted to know!

I cried out inside with all my soul. “Please God! Please! I do not understand! I pray, I read your word. Please God! You say ‘ask and it shall be given,’  All I ask for is the Truth!!!!!!   Even if it condemns me (sigh)!!”

At that moment, I heard what seemed to be all around me or maybe just in my entire being, a chanting sound like one might hear in the Middle East from a high tower — a somewhat Middle Eastern sounding language, chanting in a rhythmic order, not loud, as though far away. And then a voice, calm and soft like a loving father speaking to a loving son said, “Hold fast to what you have and I will put a torch in your hand that will light and burn.” Then silence. I was flabbergasted. Had I been under so much stress I just imagined this? And what did it mean? A torch that will light and burn?During the chanting I could not here the machines or maybe I was just so shocked by this I did not notice them.

When I got home I looked in the King James for a verse that might shed light on whether this was real, But I never made sense of it. I was fired from that job. The manager was not fond of me, I suppose. But my journey still continued. At my new job I was just talking to that manager one day. He said something strange:

“You don't really believe God would put people into hell, do you?” I just assumed he was not educated on the issue.

One day my mother was staying over with me and my wife. She said she had to go to California. One of my cousins had fallen out of the back of a truck on the freeway and run over a couple of times by other cars. He was so broken up they would not even bother to reset bones. All they could do is make him as painless as possible until death in a few days. I was sad.

I was taking a bath, and said to God, “Lord, I believe in You, but I cannot believe You would love someone like me. If you would, could You heal this boy for me.” Before I could finish a voice, almost a shout in my head said, “It is done! 3 weeks!”

I came from the tub. I looked at my mom and said, “God has told me he will be home in 3 weeks. My mother just said, “Oh, son he is dying.” I said “No, God has said 3 weeks.”

She never left to go to California because in exactly three weeks he was at home with nothing but a nurse that would stop in and check on him. Today he is fine as far as I know, but I never hear from any of them, and mom has since passed on back in 1984. But it has taken until the last couple of years (and I might add with the aid of you) to come to a place I am in now, that is, with the knowledge that God is Love, not hate or anger eternal. It is as though in my lifetime I had to live through the old testament of the Law to understand truly the new more perfect Love of God. Maybe, just maybe, that is the message of the Bible. It is the history of life. One must go through a hopelessness to come to the reality we can only come to God through Christ — by way of total failure in ourselves as was taught through the history of the Hebrews? This is a long story made short, but I hope it makes some sense to you.  May God Bless your Ministry Gary and Michelle Amirault and thank you,   Roger